Living in the tub

This morning, at 3pm, I woke up and tried to put last night’s events together in the correct sequence. I figured this was necessary for many reasons: 1) my room mate had written me a note saying "It's important for you to talk to the neighbors". 2) My pants were in the toilet 3) There were 14 messages on my voice mail 4) In my bed, there were the parts of 3 different burritos.

I have now figured out what has happened and am happy to relay last night events to you, just don't tell my patents.

For my job I do live sound, recording engineering and I'm an office monkey for a 21 piece wedding orchestra. For the last week, each of these jobs required a lot of work, and on average I worked about 13 hours a day, every day for the last 9 or 10 days (yes, this includes weekends which are usually longer than weekdays). Monday was my first day off in over a week so I spent it on my roof, reading Homers Odyssey in true geek fashion. My roommate invited me to go to a baseball game. The Cubs lost, and we all decided to get drunk, so we did. 3 car bombs, 3 shots, and an unknown amount of beer later (I think I had somewhere between 5 and 8 beers), I left the bar with a full beer spilled on my shorts. We were going to my friend Dan’s apt to do more drinking, which we did. 2 shots of Jack Daniels and more unknown amounts of beer later (I'm guessing around 4 am), my shorts were still soaked with beer and I could barely stand up. I figured that this would be a great time to walk home, which I did in a zig-zag sort of way. I stopped at the 24 hour burrito joint and got three burritos, which was the remainder of my money. When I got home, I went to bed fully dressed and started to eat my burritos in bed. Remembering that I had spilled a full beer on myself, I got out of bed but left my burritos there, and stumbled to the bathroom where I promptly threw up. Next I decided to take a shower, which quickly turned into a bath when I realized that I could not longer stand up. Some time later my room mate barged into the bathroom yelling "Turn the water off! Get out of the tub!" This was in addition to our door bell ringing over and over and someone pounding on our front door. It seems that I had passed out while filling the tub with water and the water had flowed over the side of the tub and was now filling the bathroom. When my room mate opened the door he said there were about 3 inches of water on our floor. The bell was ringing because the person banging on our front door was getting no response and had sent her daughter to ring the door bell repeatedly. The person banging on our front door was our downstairs neighbor who’s apt was also filling up with water. Not believing any of this was true, and being too drunk to take any real action, I fell back asleep in the tub after turning the water off. Next, my room mate started throwing towels and what not on our floor yelling at me to "get up and clean up this mess" which was a perfectly reasonable request at 5:10am under the circumstances. I got out of the tub and promptly waddled to my room naked, in front of the downstairs neighbor, her daughter, and my room mate, grabbed some clean towels and dirty clothes and threw them on the floor of the bath room, or at least tried to. I ended up throwing my shorts, which were still soaked with beer, into the toilet, wallet, cell phone, pda and all. Then I waddled back to my room naked and overheard my neighbor yelling wildly with her daughter in Spanish. I once again passed out. Maybe a half hour later, there was more banging on my front door. This time I put on some boxers. It was my land lord. He came in a yelled at me some more, shook his head and asked if I was sleeping in the bath tub, to which I replied "nope," a blatant lie. Noticing that my shorts were in the toilet, I retrieved my cell, my wallet and my pda and returned the still soaked shorts to the toilet and tired to get some sleep. At 3pm I awoke and noticed that I had 14 messages on my cell, all of which pertained to the events of that morning. I am not going out for a beer tonight.