Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A Post With Very Little Thought Put Into It - Or - I Like Hubcaps And Corn

I hate Donald Trump. I think that he should be kicked in the teeth. He has his own bottled water that should also be kicked in the teeth. If you drink this water, you should be kicked in the teeth as well.

I like granola. Clumps of oats, almonds, brown sugar and sunflower seeds in milk make for a good morning. I keep my granola in a tin cylinder.

I hate hearing people’s drug stories. They are almost always pointless; and if there is a point to the story, it’s that they got really fucked up once. That’s not a good story no matter how cool you think talking to a clump of hair on the carpet for hours is. Chainsaw art, now that is cool.

I like making mix Cds. I like trying to figure out what song will blend into the next. If you ask me nicely, I’ll make you a mix Cd that you might like. You should do the same for me.

I hate going to big concerts. I recently went to Wilco and was less impressed with the band than I was depressed by the people surrounding me. I ending up leaving early with Tripp and catching the equally, if not more so, talented band Sexfist. I recommend that you see Sexfist as a first date, without telling your date what Sexfist is.

I like publicly making a fool of myself in Target. I recently got into a throw-pillow fight with a cute girl in the bedding isle. I bought a large Tupperware container for audio cables. She bought a trashcan. People were amused by our antics. So was I.

I hate parking tickets. I have somehow become a prime target for the bright orange envelope ammo of the meter-people’s wrath, I swear they have it out for me and my zippy black Scion. Since Jan 1st, 2008, I’ve been ticketed seven times for everything from with 20 feet of a crosswalk to obstruction of traffic. If I hadn’t contested these tickets, I would currently owe the city around $500. I’ve gotten out of four of them so far, but I’ve also been pulled over for speeding. I wonder what would happen if I was as good at quantum mechanics as I am at getting parking tickets.

I like having a hard drive on my keychain. It’s not a big one, just a 512mb flash drive keychain, but it makes my pocket feel like it is from the future.

I hate Telemarketers.

I love bourbon. I always will. Cheers.


  1. I have known you to enjoy making a fool of yourself and those around you in many more places than Target... I'm sure you're not implying that Target is the only place for your antics...

  2. Anonymous6:03 PM

    Dude, that is a Brilliant post! I'd make you a mix CD, but i'm sure you'd hate it. If you still want one lemme know!- gabe

  3. i will mix your cd's, copy your hard drive keys, and ticket your target. don't make me bourbon you. don't!