Friday, April 25, 2008

Friday, April 18, 2008

This Is Real

I missed this video and the chain of events that followed it in January of 2008. Nod to for recently posting this video and the link to the full article. Otherwise, it probably would have slipped under my radar altogether. I have had my run-ins with Scientologists and am elated to think that the Church of Scientology is going to be systematically dismantled by a "prophesied" enemy. I believe in freedom of religion. I believe in freedom of expression. I believe that each individual on this planet should have the right to take a free personality test. I also believe that the Church of Scientology should be exposed, held accountable for it's actions and ultimately, destroyed.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The Final Countdown Is More Than A Kick-Ass 80's Rock Anthem - or - Holy Crap, We're Screwed

Proof that the apocalypse is here.

Revelation 6:2, "I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest."

An ill-fated YouTube search ended with me becoming fascinated with the 80’s movie MegaForce. Then, over the course of two days I received two e-mails from two long lost friends that both, independently mentioned MegaForce. Now all I can think about is exploding balls, popping wheelies and flying a motorcycle into a B-52 to the cheers of an overexcited, flexing crowd of multi-cultural bad actors.

Revelation 6:4, "Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword."

To secure the Olympic Torch while it was being run through France, the French Police mobilized 3,000 units to protect the flaming icon from protesters that want to extinguish the flame in hopes of bringing attention to China’s hostile occupation Tibet. The Olympic Flame was, in fact extinguished at points on its route through Paris from the Eiffel Tower, but was relit in the official Olympic Torch Minivan once all the flaming riots were dispersed. More than 40 arrests were made, bringing further worldwide attention to the Free Tibet movement. What was the most valuable lesson that I learned from these acts of civil disobedience? The French have Police on Rollerblades.

Revelation 6:5-6, “...and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, ‘A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!’”

Straight from the pages of National Geographic. “According to Cobb's calculations extrapolated from data released by the United States Environmental Protection Agency in 2001 on U.S. plastic bag, sack, and wrap consumption, somewhere between 500 billion and a trillion plastic bags are consumed worldwide each year… As a result, the totes are everywhere. They sit balled up and stuffed into the one that hangs from the pantry door. They line bathroom trash bins. They carry clothes to the gym. They clutter landfills. They flap from trees. They float in the breeze. They clog roadside drains. They drift on the high seas. They fill sea turtle bellies.”

Revelation 6:8, "I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth."

MSN Music made this press release. They may be pushing 40, but the New Kids are returning to the block. The Boston boy band New Kids on the Block, which sold 70 million albums in the 1980s and early 1990s, has reunited and plans to release a new album and go on tour. The reunion comes 20 years after the release of the group’s multi-platinum album, “Hanging Tough.””

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Speeding Ticket, Schmeeding Ticket - or - The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Ribcage

I got out of the speeding ticket that I got last month. I contested it and the cop didn't show up to traffic court, so I walked out with $200 extra dollars in my pocket, a shit eating grin smeared across my face and that invincible feeling you only get when you know you have broken the law and gotten away with it. I drove 20mph over the speed limit all the way home. This might lead to a life of crime. Muhahaha!

What Is That Huge Glowing Ball Rising Out Of The Horizon - OR - Ouch, My Life Style Hurts

I’m up at 6:30 am, again. I know why. It’s because my lifestyle is changing. I’m about to head out for a 3-mile morning run to watch the sun rise over the lake. Then, I’m going to the bank to deposit money into my savings account. I’ll probably stop by a coffee shop that supports 3rd world coffee farmers. After that, I’ll head to work and sell some $500 indoor plants to people with 41st floor condos with UV treated windows who will end up killing the plant in a matter of months but will be back to buy another couple of $500 plants to also slowly torture to death. I can hear those plants crying from here. Whoops, I better hurry if I want to make the sunrise. Who the fuck do I think I am?