Monday, December 29, 2008

Holy Crap, I'm Famous - or - Devilmas Is For The Children

Have a whorey, gory Devilmas.

I might have just started a new heterosexual long distance relationship with a schizophrenic zombie enthusiast. Take a look.

So, I am now beaming while prancing around my tiny apartment in this tiny leather studded thong. It's like a hair and leather tornado in a here. I think I just made myself gag. Happy Devilmas.

Krumbine on YouTube
The Origins of Devilmas
Krumbine's Website
Misspacman08's take on the responsibilities, moral actions, and the true purpose of the Devil. Noodle scratcher.

Retribution And Condemnation - or - Hello, My Name Is Heathen

This video is made entirely out of synthesized awesome from American made, Japan owned factories in NewBraska, which happens to be in U.S. occupied Iraq. The second video is purely vanity.

Hello world. Here's to the good stuff. I went to a preachers house for Christmas diner and felt closer to perfection than I ever have, mostly because I was seated next to the preacher's mother and had the honor of pouring her a glass, or two, of red wine.

This movie is twisted. Mr Bungle seems to have that effect on people.

Find the humor. It's there, I swear. I love you?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Failure Is Not An Option, It’s A Website – or – These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I lost my job, I worked all day Christmas Eve, I didn’t go home for the holidays, and it looks like my Christmas dinner is going to be a veggie burger, granola, and glass of bourbon. I needed a pick me up. Christmas morning my parents and I talked about politics and conspiracies, my brother and I talked about unemployment and lost friendships, and my high school girlfriend and I talked about how my personal misery and financial despair will make for some great blog topics. I can only respond to these three conversations by saying, “Is this what my life has intimately boiled down to?” The answer is no, of course not. There is a lot more to me than that. My life also includes laughing at other people’s failures. Laugh with me, people. It makes this downward spiral seem more like a carnival ride when people all around you are screaming along.

Brought to you by


Thanks to Sam for pointing me towards on-line failure. Sam is a smokin' Blues singer from Boston, recently moved to Saratoga Springs. Check her out at

From all of us at,
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Go Fuck Yourself

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Potibul Quotables - or - Where Did All These Fires Come From?

Two days ago, I got laid off from the Greenhouse. Yesterday, I became deathly ill and am currently on the hunt for a vampire to bite me so I will never get this sick again. Today, I am wrapped up in plaid flannels and puffy fleece like an inflatable redneck burrito. It reminds me of nothing, so here are some interesting quotes from people you probably don’t know unless one of them is you, and if that is so, see what kind of profound effect you’ve have on my life?

"Bring a bunch of freezer zip-loc bags to the 'Employee Appreciation Lunch,' and just stock up for the next few months of unemployment."

“I wake up every day wondering what the hell I am doing in upstate friggin New York;
can this possibly be my life? I pretend to look for a job every day, because there aren't any. I'm looking for a new band and working on some original tunes, and I'm also waiting for my acceptance letter from UAlbany. But what am I DOING here? That's a long story… It involves an upset ex-girlfriend, a judge and a probation officer”

“As much as I try not to admit it, I’m really good at being stood up as I am currently out on a date with nobody. Drinking alone has lost it’s allure, that’s if it ever had any allure in the first place, which it totally does even though I won’t admit that either.”

“I’m sitting in my toilet room”

“No one has put so much time into saying so little over the course of so many opportunities, and done it with such grace and style as Phil Collins. He is truly my hero.”

“We need to rewrite the Ten Commandments. First off, Don’t Be Nervous. Secondly, Don’t Be Creepy. I’m going to hold off on the other eight, as I’m going through these kinda quickly.”

David: Dude when we invented armpitting, we changed the world.
me: Is that where all those fires came from?
David: Probably
me: Im gonna quote you on that, just so you know
David: Good! The world is ready!

“God damn the whole fucking world, and everyone in it but you, Carlotta.”
-The dying words of W.C. Fields, his wife’s name was Harriet.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

When One Door Slams Shut, Two More Open In The Woods Where Nobody Can Hear Them - or - Stick To Text, But Try Adding A Period Once In A While

There are times you know when something is a fad and you follow along becase you get swept up in what you think is a good idea, and for a week or two you feel really good about being part of something bigger than yourself, where there is this whole community of idiots scrapping and clawing their way over one another to get your attention for a three second to five minute blast of self indulgence, but then, suddenly, finally, self consciousness kicks in and you noticed that this completely false community of strangers and carpetbaggers have collectively pulled down their emoticon pants and taken a crap in an on-line paper bag with your name on it, and after lighting this bag on i-fire, they leave said bag on your e-front porch and ring your IM-doorbell and snicker and laugh from the inter-bushes while you get www.crap all over your, and I believe that facebook is responsible for a huge percentage of internet-bassed, flamming crap bags right now, but know this, you should understand that I’ve felt this way about facebook for quite sometime and was so happy with myself for not ever taking part in it, but if the truth must be told, and if there is one thing that happens on this blaaaaaahg, then the truth is told, so if the truth must be told again, then I’ve seen this false community rear it’s pointless head in two completely different, yet almost indistinguishable similar forms; ie, myspace and friendster, so I was especially pissed at myself for stepping on the http://flaming.paper/ that the entirety of youtube dropped on my front porch, that nest of godless douche pumps, so hold on tight, kids... It's time for yet another failure in the online life of Obsquatch, alas, but all that being said, I still chuckle at a few choice moments of the videos I’ve made where I tap into some kind of humor that I would consider universally funny to people with brains, and I feel proud when someone gives me 5 out of 5 stars, and I think that I know funny youtubers and am selective enought with my "favorites" and subscriptions that I am keeping my end of the bargain as a member of team awesome, and I still want that cute actress in California that I’ve never talked to and will probably never meet, to ask me to move into her levitating, earthquake-proof castle made of grilled cheese and (un)funyuns, and help spend her family’s fortune as insanely as possible, but maybe something better is in the stars and complete lack of stars for me (as it is impossible to see the stars from where I am) because regardless of the things I liked about making videos and the people who watched them, I think I am done making video for a while, and there is a good reason for this, which is the fact that the last video I made was of me going over my poor decisions at the grocery store and only after I realized that 1)nobody gives a rats booty about how many hot dogs I can buy at once, and 2) this information is neither interesting or funny, in the least, did I stop myself and say, “let it drown, Obsquatch. Let it drown,” due to the undeniable truth in knowing that there is something universally more classy (if not also classic (in the least classic way possible (because there is nothing classic about writing a blaaaaahhhhhhg (or classy for that matter (but I seem to have gotten off topic (which is something I should be professionally sponsored to do (which makes me wonder what kind of product would sponsor someone who goes off topic constantly))))))) about blogging rather than vlogging (both of which are terms that I despise).

Witness the death of my wit. Fair warning.

Friday, December 05, 2008

A Heartfelt Story Of Freedom, Family, and Wine - or - "Oh My God, You're My Totally Fuckin' Like Favorite..."

If you don’t know your past, how can you prepare for your future? With booze, that’s how.

I think this 5 part series of Drunk History is simply brilliant.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Baking Bread Never Needed Such A High Blood Alcohol Level - or - I'm Feeling Kneedy

Yes, this was a weeknight. Yes, that's a lot of drinks for not a lot of bread. Yes, I got a little cross eyed by the end. Yes, it was all very tasty, even the bread. Yes, you can have my liver when I'm done with it, but I don't think you'll really want it. Yes, I have more hats. Yes, that dress makes your butt look big. Yes, I know the Second Annual Sketchy Mustache Competition is over. Yes, I know I still haven't sent Shawn his prize for winning said Sketchy Mustache Competition. Yes, that makes me a douche pump. Yes, I know there is no such thing as a douche pump in the actual world of douching. Yes, I've been called a douche pump before. Yes, I am still friends with that person. Yes, he does like the new GnFnR album. Yes, I'm way off topic. Yes, I am a yes man.