I learned two amazing things last night. The first is that when taking a real vacation, one should not buy a round trip ticket. Every location on the planet where there is ground, there are lower airfares than in the US. But more importantly, beyond the monetary cost, setting up a predetermined departure date will only insure that you are going to leave before you want to, and ending a vacation before you want to means missing out on an adventure that you might never get a chance to go on again. The tether holding me in Chicago is getting thinner and thinner. This airfare advice fell on my ears in the same fashion as Copeland’s Fanfare For A Common Man; compelling and profound, triumphant and awe-inspiring. The next time I fly, I’m untying the knot around my ankle.
The second thing I learned is that my headband prevents my forehead from getting sunshine. This means that as my face gets back it’s healthy summer glow from the dirt and the sun, I have a very faint, yet still very pristine strip of white flesh running temple to temple across my face. I have a headband tan line. Yesterday was hot and sunny, today will be hotter and sunnier and I am at the brink, on the cusp, staring over the edge of a grand chasm of self image decision. Not just with the headband, the headband is staying, it’s just gonna have to migrate a bit further north for the summer, but what am I going to do about this beard. This is my first beard, and I kinda like it, a lot. I stopped shaving the day after my brother’s wedding last September, and have since enjoyed the scruff growing out of my face. I did shave off the beard for a bullshit job interview in January, but immediately learned my lesson, stopped eating bullshit, and resumed my nonacceptance to shaving; I immediately returned to my steel wool ways. If I do not shave it off soon, today or tomorrow or at most by this weekend, I will have a beard tan to accompany my headband tan. So now I get to chose, Brillo Pad or Babyface.
It’s 9:45 am now and no matter what I decide, I have to put on some pants and go to work. I hate putting on pants.