Monday, November 08, 2010

All God's Creatures - or - I Know The Answer

It recently occurred to me that the funniest thing I have ever witnessed anyone do happened to take place while I was in 6th grade. The funniest thing said by anyone I've ever know was said by Betsy C. What she said was, "Jesus." That alone is not very funny. Betsy C.'s father was a bovine veterinarian and her mother was a sixth grade English teacher who seemed to win a lot of radio contests. Betsy was boyish in appearance and stature; short with a mop-top hair cut and a squeaky voice. She came into school one Monday and vehemently declared that, "Jesus is the answer. What is the question?"

For one week straight in sixth grade, anytime any question in any subject was asked, immediately a high pitched voice from the back of the room could be heard.

What is the Capital of Madagascar?

What year was the U.S. Constitution signed?

A train leaves California at 5:30 am traveling due west at 50 mph. What times...

Her grades suffered, her mother was questioned, and her joke went unappreciated by me for years and years and years. Until now. You might ask, what happened, Obsquatch? Why, all of a sudden did you remember Betsey? Well, I was going through my collection of tapes, yes audio cassette tapes, and found some recordings of my college radio show, called "Jesus Ate My Homework." I popped on into my stereo and listened to the version of me from 12 years ago. One the recording, one of the local listeners called in and asked me where the name of the show came from. My long winded response had to do with my class schedule and how I never got my assignments done on time and the lame excuses that I have made up while handing in late papers. I have learned my lesson since then. I now remember the answer to all life's questions.

Why do you think you are the best candidate for this job?
Does white wine or red go with duck?
Where is the restroom?
What is your social security number?
Does this dress make me look fat?
Are you happy with your long distance phone provider?
Who loves Dinosaurs?

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