Thursday, October 12, 2006

My favorite words

(adj) endearing term for a friend who has wronged you by doing any of the following activities behind, or in front of your back.

1) A bizzo is someone who calles and leaves a message on your answering service that starts with "Hey Jerkface! What'cha doing tonight, probably something stupid."

2) A bizzo is someone who casually compares you to an unflattering actor or actress as a way to start up a conversation. Ex. "With your hair like that, you look just like that tall bad guy from Home Alone. Not Joe Peski, the other guy. What was his name? That movie sucked. Anyway, what's up, Jerkface?"

3) A bizzo is someone who, after years of not seeing you due to their copping out on your 2004 New Years party the day before New Years, and convinces all his friends not to come either, calls you an "asshole" and demands that you buy him a drink after two years of excomunication. That being said, a true bizzo will take the drink they forced you to buy for them as an exceptable appology from you, for what they did to you and your failed party.

4) A bizzo will suddenly and abrupty adopt words you've coined and tries to 'zing' you with them. Ex. "Hey, Bizzo! What'cha doing tonight, probably something stupid, Jerkface."

5) A bizzo doesn't drink after you cheers them for being such a good friend, but rather puts their beer down and suddenly remembers how much money you owe them.

6) A bizzo lives their life like a Greek Tragedy of tiny proportions. Ex. "I usually love Kim Chee when its a few months old, but this stuff has sat in the sun too long and tastes like rotten ass. You gotta try it, Jerkface. It's horrible."

Gurmorphen : gur'-morf-inn
(Exclamation) The sound one makes while spitting water back into a public water fountain after being unpleasantly surprised at the temperature, color, taste, texture, and chemical composition of city tap water.

(Adj/N/V/Exclamation) - A situation, person, experience, or incident that is so overwhelmingly odd that a person succumbs to nausea, hot flashes, cold spells, shortness of breath, irritable bowel syndrome, loss of balance, loss of vision, loss of car keys, scientology, easy-to-use, dishwasher and microwave safe, shoe horn, light house, nearer my God to thee, odorless garlic extract and nosebleeds. Consult your doctor and hide in the basement. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.

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