Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Rantings of a cold-toed nut-kicker

It makes me mad...
...when the bedroom that has the best view and most space when you rent an apartment in the summertime, has the worst heat distribution in the wintertime when it's eight degrees outside. My toes are gone and I don't know where they've got to.

It makes me mad...
...when all I want to do is go out and enjoy a beer and a game of pool that I know I will lose but there is no one that will go out and beat me in pool and let me buy them a beer because they are all lame. That's right, all my friends are lame. You probably are, too.

It makes me mad...
...when a hardcover book costs $38. $38? I like hardcovers, but a paperback is easier to carry around, fits on my limited shelf space, gets beat up, stained and ripped while being read which only adds to the character of the characters in the book, and costs $25 less. You do know that they just use a bigger font in hardcover books to make it have more pages so that someone will justify spending $38 on it. I tried that bullshit in college once and got half a letter grade off one of my papers.

It makes me mad...
...when a taxi driver you are behind is looking for fares in the middle of a snow storm and continuously slams on their brakes to pick up people that don't want to be picked up, which causes you to go screeching to a halt while praying that the driver behind you is paying as much attention as you were so that you don't get rear ended. Or when a taxi is double parked and pulls away from the curb right as you are passing them and you have to drag race this motherfucker for half a block because you don't want to be behind him when he slams on his brakes again to not pick up someone who doesn't want to be picked up anyway.

It makes me mad...
...when people don't pick up after their dogs because they are grossed out by dog shit. That makes no sense to me at all, and I know three people like that. I yell at them regularly.

It makes me mad...
...when someone sits down at a poker game, says that they will take all your money, proceeds to take some of your money, continues to only talk about how much of your money they have taken, then takes more of your money, brags, takes all of your money, laughs in your face and doesn't give you any money for the beer you bought for poker night so that you could have a good time chatting with your friends about topics other than how little money you have.

It makes me mad...
...when people don't ice their sidewalk. If there is ice on your sidewalk than you are making me mad right now. It's not going to melt for at least another 2 months, asshole. It's winter, figure it out.

It makes me mad...
...when someone I don't like tells stories about me, even if they are good stories. If I don't like you, then you will know it (see the above list) and there is no reason for me to be a novelty or anecdote in your feeble attempt to impress some girl at a bar but telling her how crazy I am when I'm in a situation where I am surrounded by friends and am willing to sacrifice my better judgment for some cheep laughs. Don't drag my actions from that context into you getting some drunk chick to think you're cool because your friends are crazy. I'll kick you in the nuts. Hard.

It just makes me mad...

There's more but I'm going out to a dive bar now to lose to some stranger in pool after driving behind a taxi cause the sidewalk is too icy and too covered with frozen dog shit to walk to the bar and my bedroom is 3 degrees above freezing so I have to go out, warm up my toes and spend money that I don't have because I lost it in poker to some asshole. Maybe I'll just stay in and read a beat up paperback book. If you tell a drunk chick this story, I will find you, tap you on the shoulder and promptly kick you in the nuts. Hard. It's not funny. I will. Wicked hard, too.

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad I found another blog to waste my workdays reading.

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll play pool with you and let you buy me beer. I'll even let you win at pool. Twice. Because I am so snatchtastic.

    ReplyDelete