My Buddy The House Plant: Don't you come around these parts asking those kinda questions, cause I'll slice ya face up.

This is my obsession. These are my scapegoats. They are part of a small group of living things that don’t say, “Your life is a sham of a train-wreck, Obsquatch. A real train wreck involves a lot less alcohol.” Thanks for being there for me, house plants.



Coleus: Gays Delight
Family:

The Notorious Coleus Family, no connection to the Pointer Sisters

Nomenclature:

Yes, Gay's Delight is it’s official name, and not a day goes by that it doesn't piss GD off. Being the strong, silent type, Gay's Delight has been known to break the legs of those who ask him for fashion advice.

Fun Facts:

Gays are actually not that delighted by this strain of Coleus. In fact, the overwhelming majority of gays that were polled (1 out of 1) were exponentially more delighted by an assortment of flavored vodkas.

Interests and Hobbies:

Chainsaw Art, Knife Fights, Leather Shoe Repair, Interrogation with a Tire Iron and Calligraphy.

Coleus: Sloppy Painter
Family:

The Notorious Coleus Brothers

Name:

“Sloppy Painter” is actually an alias for this variety, as it is now wanted by the Feds for a rash of bank robberies in Southern New Jersey in early 2006. Known as "The Slop Man" within the inner circles of the Coleus Family, this variety is known for it's colorful green-in-purple leaf coloration and it's unmistakable short temperment.

Favorite Color:

“Whatcha looking at, ya pin head?”

Favorite Food:

“I aughta kick you in the teeth”

Favorite Movie:

“Hey Frankie! Come over here and put some pain on this scumbag!”

Favorite Music:

“Now get outta here, ya good for nothin’ punk.”