Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Self Impowerment Means Being A Total Ass To The People Who Like Me - or - It Must Be Almost Valentine's Day.

There are three videos that I’ve shot since my last rant about how great life is. I will post them at the bottom of this… madness. Before you get to see those, I should let you know a thing or two. I’m starting to get nervous about this on-line life of mine. My real life is starting to be comparable with it a bit too easily recently; in all the wrong places. For the most part, this is a hobby, a way for me to sit alone in my room and amuse myself while expressing things that I don’t express outside of this room. Most everyone who comes along and actually reads these things doesn’t take much notice and that is the way I like it. I don’t get comments, I don’t get kudos, I also don’t get threats, and I don’t become a target of hate groups. I am by no means elevated to Guru of the Bowling Alley status. I am just some unknown guy with a picture of a swamp nailed to the wall in a corner of the web that is free from ads and scams. I get this tiny space to rant about whatever the fuck I want, and I don’t want anything in return for it because I do it for me, not for you. You might like it, but for the most part, I’ll never know, and honestly, I don’t really care because you, in the context of this webpage, have nothing to do with this. You are barely an audience because you are not present here. So, for all accounts and purposes, you don’t exist and thus, you don’t fucking matter. Sorry if that ruins your day. What matters is that I like my little corner here. What matters is that I get the shit out that I need to get out, or that I get to chuckle at the things I find amusing. And if I feel like taking a dump on the middle of the floor and naming it Harry Pooper, than that is exactly what that space on the middle of my floor needed in the first place.

I’m not nervous that I will take a dump on my floor. I know for a fact that that scenario, although possessing momentarily high levels of self-amusement, and could potentially draw a large number of people that don’t fucking mater (just like you) to this site, is highly unlikely to ever happen. What I am nervous about is the dissemination of my mood swings, which are becoming increasingly more drastic and unpredictable. What I am nervous about is that I’m leading my real life in a similar fashion to the one on this online swamp of self-deprecating, self-celebrating, self-centered selfishness. For instance, over the last week, I made three videos about mostly nothing beyond my own "three inches off the ground" carefree life and my self-induced madness. In the real world, I must have told twenty people how hard it is to find a job these days. In the real world, I talk about school, about politics, about my disdain for the general population, and how I feel the world is cursed. I am no closer to having a new job, even though work has picked up on the jobs that I have. How many times did I go out during that time period? How many ways can I avoid the need for me to stop focusing on me as I am right now, and change something fundamentally wrong, my own personal fatal character flaw, so that I don’t live my life like the crazy, pissed off, happy-go-lucky, simpleton that I cast myself as in my fun little videos? When am I going to apply to Grad School? When am I going to volunteer at the learning center? What the fuck am I waiting for? A script change?

Facing An Dark Problem, Finding Retribution, And Snack Time

Music:
The Grunt (Part 1) by The J.B.'s (James Brown's Band)
http://www.funky-stuff.com/maceo/members.htm

The Steelers Didn't Win The Superbowl, I Did
Music:
Rex by Ratatat
http://www.ratatatmusic.com/

I Had The Longest Weekend

2 comments:

  1. Bullshit. It sucks, but it's bullshit. As much as it's true, that you have to write this stuff and make your videos for your own gratification, it cannot be denied that it's a double-edged sword.

    Writing and video are nothing without an audience. Entertainment is nothing without someone to be entertained. Creationism is irrelevant without someone to appreciate it.

    It's all bullshit; lies that we sell ourselves. But the truth is that both are equally important: creating things to simply get them out of our head AND so that someone can appreciate it.

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  2. for the record, i don't usually leave comments because i hate sounding like i'm judging the writing or thought processes of anyone... and too often my views and outlooks are too different to say something trivial...

    but i really like the time i spend reading your blog, as seemingly meaningless as that may be...

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