Monday, November 09, 2009

Button Button - or - Maize And Ravens

There was this game I used to play as a child called Button Button. I'm pretty sure that I made it up, but I also thought that I invented breathing though your nose, so I might be mistaken about being Button Button's inventor. It was easy enough to play, and everyone was good at it because there is only one rule. When someone yells "Button Button!" you have to press every button, twist every knob, and change the settings on anything that has changeable settings on it within eyesight. I'd play this game by myself while waiting in the car for my folks to drive me somewhere. When they would start the car, they would get a dusty blast from the car vents being set to full, the blinkers would start flashing, the windshield wipers would start thrashing around, the radio would blast out deafening static from some AM station, and I would laugh my little butt off.

My friends and I would play in the elevators of office buildings. Right as we were getting off a crowded elevator, someone would yell "Button Button!" and who ever was closest to the panel would hit the call button for every floor and then dart out the elevator and down the hallway, much to the chagrin of the businessmen and women who were already pissed for having to share an elevator with the likes of me and my punkass friends and who would now have to stop at every floor in the building on the way back to their dreary lives working in a crowded and sterile State Office building.

To this day, I play Button Button when I can't figure out how to turn on a friends stereo system. It never quite has the outcome I originally intend when I pick up the remote, but it is definitely is worth it when somehow the TV pops on and, lo and behold, midget porn. Who doesn't love midget porn?

Try it someday (Button Button, not midget porn. Screw it, try midget porn also. Why not?). Button Button is a lot more fun than you might think, especially with all the buttons that are around us these days.

The reason I bring up Button Button is because there are a lot of buttons on the internet, many of which also lead to midget porn. Withing seconds of playing Button Button online, you can go from a list of signers of the Constitution, to a shop that sells some of the crassest tee-shirts I've ever seen. If you can't see the connection betwixt these two sites, then you need to broaden your e-horizons. I'm sure every one of our founding fathers would have looked great in a "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughters face last night" shirt. If that isn't human progress, than I don't know what is.

I pressed a button yesterday. I pressed a button at the top of this screen right here. A button I've never pressed before. I pressed the "Next Blog" button and found this site. It's some college student's photography page. His name is Swikar Patel. This is my favorite photo of his.

He is good, but not nearly as good as my buddy at Here's a link to his blog, which is a constant stop my online Button Button game.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE T-shirt hell...I've been coveting the "I should be in the Kitchen" shirt for MONTHS. Love that site.