Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Entire List, Truncated – or – Stuff I’ve Done That You Don’t Know About, And Shouldn’t, But Will Soon, Unless You Stop Reading Here.

Since my last post, I’ve…

…Bought six new plants including this doozie called Nepenthes Miranda. It, just like some of my childhood friends, eats bugs.

…Gotten dumped by someone I wasn’t even dating, but would have, but wasn’t. After the whole tiny ordeal was over, I figured out that I’d like to get dumped by people I’m not involved with more often. It makes the whole I’m-sad-because-I-got-dumped thing seem totally blown out of proportion. Meh.

…Flown to California to watch grown men wear armor and fight with swords. I wore a Viking helmet, as did my heterosexual life partner, Dave. We also ate chicken wings. We also got drunk a lot. It was our collaborative 30th birthday party. A different friend of mine, Ollie, celebrated his 30th birthday by getting his real estate license. Watching men on horses joust each other while drinking out of a flagon is more fun than taking test, so I win the best 30th birthday party contest. Ollie will be rich soon, but I’ll still have the memories of knowing that my knight, the yellow knight, was the first knight to die at Medieval Times on my birthday.

…Performed with The Sons of Susan at The Hideout. It was our best show yet. We opened for a band called, The Devil Makes Three, whose newest album has quickly become my go to drinking album. Songs about drinking make drinking so much more satisfying than drinking alone; and always remember, drinking alone is the first sign of alcoholism and I’ll be damned if The Devil Makes Three is gonna make me an alcoholic*.

…Avoided doing laundry. You might ask, “Obsquatch, what do you do about clean underwear?” Well, I’ve been improvising. Everyday is an adventure.

…Finally taken some pictures of the greenhouse at Gethsemane. Take a peek at where I work.

…Played the Jaw Harp, or as I know them, the Jew Harp, into a bonafied multi-thousand dollar microphone, in a bonafied recording studio with a bonafied 48 channel SSL board, for a bonafied rock band’s next album. The monetary value of the gear used during this session easily exceeds $500,000. I bought two Jew Harps for the session for at totall of $14.98. I didn’t know that they came in Alto, Tenor and Soprano; I thought they just went “boing.” Oh how little I know about the chosen people’s harp. The session was bonafied-idly awesome.

…Eaten Taco Bell, White Castle, In ‘n Out Burger, McDonalds, Burger King, more White Castle, Wendy’s, Jack In The Box, and Pizza Hut. Tonight, I’m going to the Handle Bar for BBQ Satan and cheep beer.

To all that are curious, the 2nd Annual Sketchy Mustache Competition marches onward! There is no end date as of yet. Submit pictures and you will be sure to get them posted on this very site. My stache has reached epic proportions and has was trimmed back tonight. Fear not! I only trimmed it back so that I could donate the trimmings to Mustache-tions for Passion, the facial hair equivalent of Locks for Love. Some happy pre-teen with a life threatening condition is slowly and methodically running his fingers through the lushious fibers of his new mustache. It feels good to help heal the world of bald upper lips.

*Thanks for the punch line, Last Will And Testament Of Marlboro Patch.

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