CLP #7:“This May Seem Like Gibberish To You, But I Think I’m In A Tragedy.”

Craig's List Project #7
Backfire [bak-fahyuhr] [intransitive verb] – A plan or action that rebounds adversely on the originator; to have the opposite effect of what was intended.

A few years ago I discovered that using swear words in sentences to increase the validity and intensity of a statement or opinion was futile and counterproductive. More over, it made me look dumber. Dumber than what, you might ask? Just plain dumber. I started to doubt the marvel and stirring majesty of something that was “fucking awesome,” and rightfully so. Replacing class with crass to get a point across was a mistake that I made for years as an idiot. It backfired. By dropping F-bombs, telling fart jokes and making indecent comments about one’s mother, I got a bit of the stink stuck on me. The same idea holds true for Blogging.

What was meant to be a laughable experiment in exploiting the rampant idiocy of the personals section of Craig’s List, ended up being an unpleasantly ironic adventure in self debasement, emotional detachment and personal humiliation as I basically put my self respect through a cheese grater. At first, I thought it was funny. By being totally dishonest, I honestly thought that I was funny. And I probably was. But the whole project changed as I moved from looking at it from an ‘anyone looking for companionship on Craig’s List is comically socially screwed up and must be humiliated,’point of view, to a project that made me feel like, ‘I am some kind of heartless, soulless monster for seeking out people to humiliate in a context where they are looking for companionship. I am socially screwed up and that is humiliating.’ I am only talking about my take on my own actions. I’ve gotten plenty of comments from friends and strangers that would be much more destructive had they used less swear words. I guess the F-word is a blessing in disguise.

Again, I ask myself, “Hey dipshit! This isn’t a question!” That’s true. I guess I don’t ask myself that, but, “Hey dipshit! What’s the point?” seems to be a recurring conundrum. And after asking myself this enough times, I started to figure out how self-centered I actually am, conscientiously and sub-conscientiously. I wanted to know about other folks, how ridiculous and shallow they are, how they would react to what I thought was minimal stimulation. I learned more about myself. I ended up learning that I could easily deceive people into amusing me. I also learned that I like deceiving people who I think are simple, which means that I am selfish, deceptive and shallow when I put my mind to it. On top of all that, I learned that I need to find a real girlfriend, which means that I’ve got to stop being selfish, stop being deceptive, and stop being a fucking dipshit... or stop being a dip.