Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Seven Deadly Sins Project #3 – What The Hell Is With All These Damn Christmas Lights.

Maybe you know of the quantum mechanical theory that one object can exist in two different places at one time, and there for coexists in two different times at once. I’m am proof. I work in a greenhouse, but simultaneously I work in the darkest corner in the deepest pit of Hell. Today is Tuesday, October 28, 2008 but in the Gethsemane Gift Shop, it is December 24, the night before Christmas. How did this happen? How is it that Halloween isn’t for another three days, but today I was taking down spiderwebs and packing up skeletons while stringing up electric snowflakes, unpacking fake snow-covered evergreens, and hanging glitter-covered hotdogs and multicolored-feathered birds on a tree that was dripping with so many rhinestones and sequins that it could win a pride parade pageant. Needless to say, the fact that an object, like myself, can exist in a greenhouse before Halloween, and simultaneously exist in an Elf’s workshop months later, racks up a bunch of Wrath points in my little black book.

I hung those, in a not-so-silent protest. I developed a slight rash on my neck while completing this task.

Yes, that tree is upside down.

I may start messing with Santa on a regular basis.

One of the fourteen fake trees in the store. That's right. Fourteen.

Sin Tallies as of 7:34pm, 10/28/08.
Lust – 8
Wrath – 28
Glutton – 7
Greed – 1
Pride – 10
Envy – 3
Sloth – 3

Gluttony – For Sunday Family Dinner, a good Jewish friend of mine made Bacon Wrapped Meatloaf. I had three slices. Check that, they were slabs of Bacon Wrapped Meatloaf, not slices.

Sloth – I passed out shortly after Sunday Family Dinner on a pile of pillows, in front of a fireplace, with BBQ stains on my shirt and a chin shinny with meat grease.

Wrath (22) – One vote of wrath for every Christmas ornament I was forced to hang.

Sloth – I hid in a warehouse today to avoid putting up any more Christmas decorations. It was cold, dark, musky, and full of boxes. Totally worth it.


  1. "messing with Santa"

    ...is that anything like messin' with Sasquatch??

  2. catherine1:35 PM

    it pains me to see christmas as the root of so much wratch. maybe if you watch 'little women' roger, it would help you get in the spirit. or maybe, if it wasn't 75 and november, that would also help.
    ho ho ho...